Crocheting to feel better.

The hard times in my life have taught me something about myself. I feel things very deeply, and when things get bad, I can be overcome with my emotions. I need to figure out what I can learn from the bad times, and how I can empower myself to make a difference - otherwise I can quickly sink into a bad emotional place.

When my first cat, Pepper, died I was devastated. I went to work, but that's about it. Wouldn't talk to anyone on the phone, and I cried all the time. I swore I would never get another pet - it was too painful. Three weeks later I adopted Bogey and Birdie. They didn't replace Pepper, but they became family. Bogey is my crazy, easy-going, cool cat. Birdie was the sweetest. She had a streak of Diva in her, but she was lovable, and gentle and oh so pretty.

Losing her hurts. I know that bringing Gordo into our family was the right thing to do. He's so scared and freaked out, but he's a gentle loving kittie. He's been hiding since he came home, but last night when I came home from work he sat on my lap all evening. Of course when I woke up this morning I searched and searched - almost bringing myself to a panic. I mean, where can a 25 pound cat hide (I really think he weighs more than 20 pounds). Eventually I found him under the bed - didn't think he could fit.

Anyway. The point of the post is that adopting Gordo helps, but I want to "do" something for my Birdie. I have ordered a memorial stone to put over her grave, but that's buying - not "doing".

It occurred to me that most of the crocheting that I do is for gifts or for charity. I've made chemo caps and comfortghans in the hope of making someone feel a bit better, and now it's time to crochet something to make me feel better.

I decided that I wanted to design a cat blanket. I can make some and donate them to the local shelter, and I can share the pattern in the hopes that maybe other folks will make some for shelters in their area (or for their own furry friends!).

I thought about Birdie. About what she liked, what she did, and who she was, and I came up with the perfect concept!!! A blanket that she would approve of that I could make in her name!

So last night I started crocheting. The first one will be for Gordo - as I crocheted, he seemed to like it (he was on my lap). This will be the deluxe version - the supplies cost a bit and a 25 pound cat needs a really big blanket. Then I'll do a more "everyday" version for normal sized cats and kittens using regular worsted weight yarns - one that can be inexpensively made and sent to shelters.

Wish me luck. It's important to me that this pattern is right! I want it to be something that will make me think of Birdie and smile when I see Gordo, Bogey or Scooter lying on it, and something that might bring comfort to some of the other kitties in the shelter that I couldn't bring home with me.

If all goes well, I'll finish this weekend! If all goes well, our cable will come back on and I'll be able to post photos and the pattern! :)

This will be Gordo's blanket. It will be a tribute to Birdie. It will also be my "comfortghan" - because it is helping me to empower myself to move beyond the hurt. Crochet can be a powerful tool.