Let's Talk......(whisper) toilet tissue

So today I was thinking about crochet. Obviously, I love it. There is so much to do with crochet - clothing, blankets, bags, kitchen things, bookmarks, toys....so why do people find a need to use crochet for things that just don't need to be crocheted? I mean, there is enough to crochet for legitimate reasons without going out and making things just for the sake of making them.

Things I just don't get:

Candle covers / drapes. I like candles. I like scented candles that make my house smell unnaturally wonderful. I have cats, so I'm a bit cautious with candles. I want the house to smell good, not like burnt cat, so I just don't understand crocheting pretty little doily things to put over a candle. Yes, it's pretty. Yes, it involves talent, but why spend that talent on something that can burn your house down? I just don't get it.

Same with lamp shade covers. If your lampshade is ugly - buy a new one. Or cover it with fabric. Watch Trading Spaces one week - it's easy enough to learn how. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I don't like putting delicate crochet next to fire and/or electricity. That's just me.

So, I was thinking about toilet paper covers. When I was little, my mom had one. Probably made by some elderly aunt. It was crocheted from Pepto Bismol pink yarn. It had a hideous plastic flower shoved in a ribbon around the base. It sat on the toilet tank to cover that extra roll. Now an extra roll is an important thing. We've all probably experience that horror that strikes when you're sitting there and realize that the roll is empty! Its not fun. What I don't get is the NEED to camouflage that extra roll so that it doesn't look like (GASP) toilet paper! We can't possibly run out, but we couldn't let our family and guests see a roll just sitting there - so we use our talent to make it "pretty".

I've seen paper covers that look like hats, dolls, cakes. Some just have that colorful zig zag pattern - 'cause, you know, nothing like zig zag to take attention off of the paper!

Thinking about TP covers, I was inspired to let that be my first attempt at designing my own crochet pattern. Then I thought I could share the joy and host a "design a really ugly and absurd tp cover". That could be really fun. In fact, I think I'll do it one of these days. The crazier the better.

Then something happened that sort of ruined my fun. I came across this pattern on the web. As much as I wanted to laugh, this little TP cover is really adorable! It's great for a kids bathroom. I'm almost horrified to admit that I love it! Look at that face!!! Look at that big nose. It's precious. So, I'm thinking that I should make one - but I don't want to fall into the "I can't have exposed tissue in the bathroom" funk. So, perhaps I'll deprive the poor doggy of his paper, stuff his little body with fiber fill and make him a stuffed animal. And I'll name him Tippie - my clever code for "TP". Because I'm clever like that, you know.