Lately things have been stressful. I think that there is a lot of that going on. The economy is bad and everyone is nervous. I'm lucky. My family is not dealing with any horrible illnesses. Outside the general uncertainty, we don't have horrific financial worries. There is a lot of love in my home. Life should be good, but ......it's been stressful.
I don't deal with stress well. I just try and do the best I can - I try to keep a positive attitude; I try to eat properly and really enjoy it when I don't; I try to be a bit more active. Frankly, all this trying is exhausting, but I try to remember that I have a basically very good life and people who love me - and that means a lot.
So, I'm frustrated and angry at myself that the nastiness of one person had so completely thrown me for a loop. Someone who I considered a friend has really hurt me. I don't think this person intended to hurt me - I think she is stressed out herself and not dealing with it well - but I feel so betrayed. I'm just reeling, and feel like I've been physically assaulted. Of course the co-dependent part of my personality is trying to make excuses for this person. I feel like I shouldn't feel this hurt when I know that it was not her intention - yet....I do feel hurt, and I do feel angry, and I do feel like I don't know how to productively deal with these feelings.
So.... it's sort of a vicious cycle of trying to reconcile what I feel and what I think I should feel. Perhaps I need to find a "Feelings 101" class, or invest in "Feelings for Dummies". Except that I'm smart enough to know that feelings just are. We can't control them - we can only control how we deal with them. I think that's what I'm struggling with - how to deal with the end of a friendship - or maybe how to deal with the end of an illusion of friendship. Either way, I feel I've lost something.
Tomorrow is another day. Maybe I'll feel better about it then.
I don't deal with stress well. I just try and do the best I can - I try to keep a positive attitude; I try to eat properly and really enjoy it when I don't; I try to be a bit more active. Frankly, all this trying is exhausting, but I try to remember that I have a basically very good life and people who love me - and that means a lot.
So, I'm frustrated and angry at myself that the nastiness of one person had so completely thrown me for a loop. Someone who I considered a friend has really hurt me. I don't think this person intended to hurt me - I think she is stressed out herself and not dealing with it well - but I feel so betrayed. I'm just reeling, and feel like I've been physically assaulted. Of course the co-dependent part of my personality is trying to make excuses for this person. I feel like I shouldn't feel this hurt when I know that it was not her intention - yet....I do feel hurt, and I do feel angry, and I do feel like I don't know how to productively deal with these feelings.
So.... it's sort of a vicious cycle of trying to reconcile what I feel and what I think I should feel. Perhaps I need to find a "Feelings 101" class, or invest in "Feelings for Dummies". Except that I'm smart enough to know that feelings just are. We can't control them - we can only control how we deal with them. I think that's what I'm struggling with - how to deal with the end of a friendship - or maybe how to deal with the end of an illusion of friendship. Either way, I feel I've lost something.
Tomorrow is another day. Maybe I'll feel better about it then.
4 Comments:
You certainly have my empathy, and expressed yourself so well that I know exactly what you mean. Your gratitude for the many good things in your life will take you a long way from these feelings of loss and confusion. Wishing you the best as always!
{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}
I am sorry to hear you have been bummed out. I hope that things are better. We need to talk...it has been WAY too long! Love you!
If it were me, I'd like to know if I hurt your feelings without meaning to. It's so easy esp on the Internet and through e-mail and forums and blogs to unwittingly say something that is either taken wrong or which is said without thinking about how it can perceived. I've done it myself and apologized when made aware of it. Don't mean to offer advice when not asked so feel free to ignore me. :-)
Hope your stress level goes down and you start feeling better soon.
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